(Nicholas Dye/Staff Writer)

With the holidays fast approaching, the recent release of Thor: Ragnarok, the upcoming release of Justice League and Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Deadpool arrived and gave us a release…straight into our pants! Everyone’s favorite Merc’ With A Mouth dropped a teaser trailer a-la-Bob Ross to remind us that none of that other shit matters because Deadpool is coming…to theaters…not…oh never mind.

Twentieth Century Fox posted their official synopsis for the highly anticipated sequel and they describe Deadpool 2 as this:

After surviving a near fatal bovine attack, a disfigured cafeteria chef (Wade Wilson) struggles to fulfill his dream of becoming Mayberry’s hottest bartender while also learning to cope with his lost sense of taste. Searching to regain his spice for life, as well as a flux capacitor, Wade must battle ninjas, the yakuza, and a pack of sexually aggressive canines, as he journeys around the world to discover the importance of family, friendship, and flavor – finding a new taste for adventure and earning the coveted coffee mug title of World’s Best Lover.

No seriously…that IS the official synopsis on Deadpool 2’s IMDB page…

We know this much from the trailer…Deadpool is back, he has a sexy slow motion run through the rain, Negasonic Teenage…Whatever The Fuck The Rest Of Her Name Is is back and still giving the bird, Dopinder doesn’t swallow, Chunk from The Goonies is pulling a Drew Barrymore in Firestarter, some irresponsible prick has given a blind woman a gun, Deadpool does a spot on Jesus impression and rises from the grave, and at very end, Michael Jackson has a new shiny glove…or maybe I need to adjust my Cable. Well, I’m gonna go do some blow, you scroll down to watch the trailer and take the “Don’t Nut in Your Pants Challenge.”

Dalton is listed as Security in the credits…these guys are killing me.