Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

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(Nicholas Dye/Staff Writer)

Universal dropped the first trailer to the highly anticipated sequel to the highly received sequel to the crappy sequel to the not-so-bad-compared-to-the-third sequel to the highly praised adaptation of Michael Crichton’s Jurassic Park and let me tell you…it was hotter than Ian Malcolm with his shirt open!

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Set several years after the events in Jurassic World, here’s what we know so far. Owen and Claire still have crazy sexual tension. Owen still makes uncomfortable sexual jokes, now about the list of guys that Claire may or may not have nailed. Claire has helped form a dinosaur protection group called the Prevention of Extinction of Dinosaurs Organization or P.E.D.O. for short (actually it’s called the Dinosaur Protection Group so Claire is really involved with DP…seriously). The hamster balls still work!! Blue thinks Owen smells…funny. Ian “Chaos Theory” Malcolm is a goddamned stallion with salt and pepper hair. The Carnotaur (I was a dino-nerd so yeah…I knew what it was) gets a hickey from good ol’ T-Rex. Isla Nublar has filed to legally change it’s name to Dante’s Peak or whatever the volcano was named in that stupid Tommy Lee Jones movie. Claire and (fellow DP enthusiast *snicker*) Justice Smith pull a Thelma and Louise and the Ankylosaur is the unofficial cannonball champion of the world! That pretty much sums up the freaking awesome first trailer for Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom due in theaters June 22nd, 2018. On my ONLY serious note, this trailer does make the departure from most modern trailers and does not oversell. I am truly looking forward to this. Check out the trailer below.

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Batman 2018: AKA Shut up Kevin Conroy!

 

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(Nicholas Dye/ Staff Writer)

This past week has given us our first look at not one but TWO new Batman animated films that don’t feature the vocal talents of Kevin Conroy! Somewhere, Two-Face’s nipples just got hard! Drawing from all-new material and set in feudal Japan is Batman Ninja. Now I know that sounds like a shitty ploy to get you to buy your kids new toys of Batman as a ninja and Joker, as a ninja, and Harley Quinn as…wait for it…a ninja, but it isn’t. This is a very beautifully detailed anime of Batman as he faces off against the craziest Joker we may have seen since someone thought Jared Leto would be an awesome Joker. Either way it looks 100% badass. The trailer gives us a glimpse at Robin, Catwoman, Harley Quinn, Two-Face, Poison Ivy, Clayface, and Grodd. Yup…you heard me…mother-effing Gorilla Grodd as, what appears to be, a warlord! An english dubbed version is coming with a voice cast that is yet to be revealed but, I for one, cannot wait to miss most of the movie reading subtitles just to hear Wataru Takagi do the creepiest scream as the Joker when he attacks batman with a katana in hand. After this trailer, I dare you not to say shinseina tawagoto Batoman!

I mean…COME ON!! My only question is, how the hell does Batman have a Batwing and a few other tech gadgets in feudal Japan? Ah who cares!?

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As if that wasn’t enough. DC Animation finally brings us an adaptation of one of my favorite Batman Elseworlds titles in Batman: Gotham by Gaslight. Set in Gotham in 1889, Bruce Wayne returns from a trip to Europe and takes up the mantle of the Batman to stop the legendary Jack the Ripper who has come to Gotham. While the translation to animation doesn’t quite convey the gritty style of the comic (originally drawn masterfully by Hellboy’s Mike Mignola), it does look like it follows the story arc beautifully. Finally there will be a viable reason for those damned steam-punk cosplayers to be at SDCC with their damned Dr. Floobert’s Amazing Gizmotron-Doohickity-Pew-Pew Ray Gun or whatever the hell they call it. Either way, check out the trailer below and, look for Gotham by Gaslight on January 23rd 2018 with Batman Ninja later in 2018.

 

Your Cat Videos Are In Danger..

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(Joshua Gilmore-Staff Writer)

     Now that I have your attention and you can rest assure that we are not a click bait site, we have to talk about something that might be a little boring and it will be the most important thing to keep in your mind in the next few days. The subject is net neutrality and there is a vote coming to possibly destroy the idea of a open/fair internet. This topic has no political lines, it is a line between the haves and the have nots.

     Net Neutrality is the practice that internet service providers (or ISP) must treat all data on the internet the same and not discriminate or charge differently by user, content, or website. For instance, under these principles, ISPs are unable to intentionally block, slow down or charge money for specific websites and online content.

     Now, with all of that said, there is an important vote coming Dec.14 and the goal of these ISPs is to have the FCC change all these rules, so they can turn around and start to throttle the idea of a fair internet to cash in wherever they see fit. There is so much more to the story and I would highly recommend everyone to dive past the regular headlines.

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    After you do more research and learn about the pitfalls of the possible rulings, you need to have your voice heard and let the powers that be know that you stand against these plans. You want a fair and open internet.

     There are a lot of ways to have your voice heard. You can call 1-202-418-1000 and leave a voicemail for the Chairman of the FCC. It’s as simple as leaving your name, city and state, and let this man know that you oppose the repeal of Net Neutrality. Also, you can CLICK HERE  And Tell The FCC Where You Stand.

More Stranger Things To Come..

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(Douglas Porter-Staff Writer)

    They say there are two things inevitable in life, Death and Taxes. Now obviously this phrase is old and dated, as there are many more inevitable things in our day to day non-colonial lifestyles. Something that was obviously inevitable but somehow still need the fanfare to go with it was just announced today by the powers that be at streaming service company Netflix. Stranger Things has been renewed for a 3rd season.

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     Stranger Things has become a transcending show on Netflix. Appealing to the different masses on a level we haven’t seen in pop culture since Game of Thrones and Walking Dead. While no official numbers have ever been released (why they hide these things I don’t know) it was estimated that over 15 million viewers tuned in to the season 2 premiere within its first three days of release on October 27th. Boosting a score of 94% on rotten tomatoes it seems most everybody has agreed that Stranger Things is doing something right. “The Duffer Brothers have again managed to wield their particular alchemy and create a follow-up worthy of the hype created by its predecessor.” Allison Keene of Collider.com said of season 2.

        Minor spoiler warning ahead: Season 2 ends on a minorish cliff-hanger and with no season 3 announcement made prior to its release fans were left up in arms. Netflix has made it a habit of only renewing shows on a season by season basis, with some exceptions Vis-à-vis House of Cards. Using this model has fans salivating at any news that may come from the officials and it is one of the most asked questions of both production staff and the actors. Now I want to put something out on front street with this announcement: Yes we will be getting a season 3….eventually. Yep, no release date was attached to this press release.

   In an interview with indiewire.com, before the announcement of season 3, the Duffer Brother have stated “Season 3 is still so early in it’s stages of development that it hasn’t even gotten the official greenlight. It’s really just Matt and me working with some writers and figuring out where it’s going to go,” said Ross Duffer. So while we know a season 3 will happen it looks like everyone involved s finding the best way to bring us that story.

If you haven’t checked out Stranger Things yet, both seasons 1 and 2 are available for streaming anytime through Netflix. For those of you who are not on the streaming train, a season 1 box set has been released and can found at all major retailers.

 

 

Avengers: Infinity War Trailer

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(Nicholas Dye/Staff Writer)

Did the above picture make you pee your pants? No? Then watch trailer below and grab some towels! See, I wanted to come up with one of my clever titles but I was too blown away by the sheer awesomeness to come up with one. The slow burn that began back in 2008 with Iron Man is finally coming to it’s conclusion in 2018 with Marvel’s Avengers: Infinity War. The Mad Titan Thanos (Josh Brolin) has finally made his move to claim the legendary Infinity Stones so that he may reshape the universe to his liking. Standing in his way is the Avengers, the Guardians of the Galaxy, the Nova Corps, and several other heroes…67 according to co-director Joe Russo.

In the trailer, we get to see, Bruce Banner, who apparently fell through the entire Sanctum Sanctorum, standing with Dr. Strange and Tony Stark, Black Widow with blond hair, Winter Soldier with Black Panther, the Hulkbuster Armor, Captain America as Nomad, humany Vision and Scarlet Witch, Peter Parker all tingly, Thor the pirate, Loki the bitch,…um…The Guardians of the Galaxy, uh…War Machine…Falcon…Chuck Norris…Jimmy Hoffa…D.B. Sweeney (look him up)…okay MAYBE all of those don’t appear but it damn sure feels like it. There’s really not much more I can say that does this trailer justice so I will leave you with this final rant:

MAY 4TH MARVEL!!? Your boss owns Star Wars and you guys HAD to go and pick World Star Wars Day to drop your damn amazing movie!? Took some balls Russo Brothers…big ass balls…Anywho…here you go. Remember…towel.

Are You Ready For Some Static Cling?

 

(Joshua Gilmore-Staff Writer)

Stan Lee’s Los Angeles Comic Con for 2017 has entered the books and the time has come for Nowhere California to share our adventures at this most excellent event. In the next few weeks, we will be unleashing our favorite moments and conversations for the world to enjoy. In the first installment, the guys from Nowhere have one hoot of a conversation and talk with Carlos Alazraqui.

p0fu1k5CLICK HERE For Nowhere California Presents Our Conversation With Carlos Alazraqui (5:52)

     Carlos is the multi talented performer from in front of the camera and behind the microphone. The list of characters he has created and voiced can stretch for a decent length, but for one member of the Nowhere California team (namely me) the top of the list will always be held by a certain wallaby named Rocko. Luckily, that wallaby will be returning to thee small screen and to the advanced modern world in 2018 with a new “Rocko’s Modern Life” movie entitled “Static Cling.”

    The entire Nowhere California team would like to send our thanks to Carlos for taking the time to talk to us at the convention. It was a great pleasure and we hope everyone has enjoyed this edition of our LA Comic Con coverage.

     If you want to keep track of everything going on in the world of Carlos Alazraqui. Please CLICK HERE For Carlos’ Official Website

Let’s Paint Happy Homicide

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(Nicholas Dye/Staff Writer)

With the holidays fast approaching, the recent release of Thor: Ragnarok, the upcoming release of Justice League and Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Deadpool arrived and gave us a release…straight into our pants! Everyone’s favorite Merc’ With A Mouth dropped a teaser trailer a-la-Bob Ross to remind us that none of that other shit matters because Deadpool is coming…to theaters…not…oh never mind.

Twentieth Century Fox posted their official synopsis for the highly anticipated sequel and they describe Deadpool 2 as this:

After surviving a near fatal bovine attack, a disfigured cafeteria chef (Wade Wilson) struggles to fulfill his dream of becoming Mayberry’s hottest bartender while also learning to cope with his lost sense of taste. Searching to regain his spice for life, as well as a flux capacitor, Wade must battle ninjas, the yakuza, and a pack of sexually aggressive canines, as he journeys around the world to discover the importance of family, friendship, and flavor – finding a new taste for adventure and earning the coveted coffee mug title of World’s Best Lover.

No seriously…that IS the official synopsis on Deadpool 2’s IMDB page…

We know this much from the trailer…Deadpool is back, he has a sexy slow motion run through the rain, Negasonic Teenage…Whatever The Fuck The Rest Of Her Name Is is back and still giving the bird, Dopinder doesn’t swallow, Chunk from The Goonies is pulling a Drew Barrymore in Firestarter, some irresponsible prick has given a blind woman a gun, Deadpool does a spot on Jesus impression and rises from the grave, and at very end, Michael Jackson has a new shiny glove…or maybe I need to adjust my Cable. Well, I’m gonna go do some blow, you scroll down to watch the trailer and take the “Don’t Nut in Your Pants Challenge.”

 

Dalton is listed as Security in the credits…these guys are killing me.

The Doom Song Rehearsals Begin Now!

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(Joshua Gilmore-Staff Writer)

 Beware the stars, there is an invasion looming and we have Nickelodeon to blame for this. The nostalgia trend continues to pick up steam at the kid’s cable network and they have announced that “Invader Zim” will be returning in a special television movie.

“As a network that prides itself on a 25-year history of creating groundbreaking, hilarious animation for kids, Invader Zim is one of our great loves. It’s been so exciting to see its popularity grow over the last decade through social media, consumer products, and the Zim comic books,” comments Nick’s senior VP, Content Development and Production, Animation, Chris Viscardi (via VARIETY)

The “Invader Zim” movie has jumped into the current mix of Nickelodeon’s blasts from the pasts, as several other classic NICKtoons are preparing for the television movie treatment.

The details of this production are still developing, but here are a few piece of information that is known. The creator of “Invader Zim”, Jhonen Vasquez, will be returning to lead this new era of Zim. Also, the original voice cast will be returning to give the proper touch to this event.

As details develop, we will pass that information on to you through this site and the Nowhere California Podcast, but for now there is no set air date.

 

The Force Is Strong In The Last Jedi Trailer..

(Joshua Gilmore-Staff Writer)

 This week has brought great excitement to the force and the epicenter has been the 2017 Star Wars Celebration, located this year in Orlando. During this event, there has been panels and other happenings, but the moment the universe has been waiting for has happened and we have our first look at “The Last Jedi”

There you have the first trailer for Episode VIII and Christmas can’t get here soon enough. In this two minute clip, the viewers can quickly tell that we are not got to get any type of flash forward and we are witness to the beginning of Rey’s training. It is a given that it is Jedi training, but where will we see the reality of this episode’s title come into play. The rumors are out there and I can dive deep into them, but that type of discussion will be saved for the podcast (You can find the Nowhere California Podcast on your favorite podcast search engines) or on the comment section of this site. The reality and identity of the LAST Jedi will come into view in December, but that is just a microcosm of this trailer.

 The trailer, as a whole, can be dissected and screams for repeat viewing, so the viewer can hope to catch the slightest hint towards the plot of this film. You can look at the vast landscapes and wonder if you are looking at a rock pile or a surprise character. You can listen to every wave of audio and pin point the source of the whispers. It is a tough mission, but it is a mission the internet is more than happy to accept.

 As the current slate of movie releases have shown, it is an awesome time to be a movie fan and the trailers we have received continue to show that fact to be true. Also, DC and MARVEL can have their dick measuring contests when they release trailers, but the current series of Star Wars has shown their still a force to be reckoned with in the box office. December can’t get here quick enough.

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Now for a P.S. to my thoughts on the trailer. This poster is obscene in its awesomeness!

Send In The Creepy F*cking Clowns For The New “IT” Trailer..

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(Joshua Gilmore-Staff Writer)

The track record for clowns in modern society has been a mixed bag of emotions, there is the fun loving and cholesterol jacked Ronald McDonald from everyone’s food coma dreams. Also, in recent years, we have a small group of half-wits across the country that try to freak out little kids. Now, the clown that would make the half-wits run in fear and make them need a change of pants has returned. The trailer for the upcoming big screen remake of “Stephen King’s IT” has arrived.

Stephen King’s adaptations have a pretty strong history, love or hate them the movies have been memorable and “IT” looks like it will be in the same boat with the original TV movie. The Losers’ Club seem to have been collected with the right amount of sympathy and care, this will be a group that you will want to follow.

Pennywise is a whole different story and I mean that in the most positive way, as with any remake, there is a fear of losing a vital part of the original’s heart. In the original 1990 TV movie, Tim Curry brought this literary clown to life and gave Pennywise a level of creepiness that the talented Curry can only reach. In this new vision of a classic, Bill Skarsgård avoids the traps of copying the performance and seems to crank the creepy knob past 11.

IT Floats Into Theaters September 8th

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