Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

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(Nicholas Dye/Staff Writer)

Universal dropped the first trailer to the highly anticipated sequel to the highly received sequel to the crappy sequel to the not-so-bad-compared-to-the-third sequel to the highly praised adaptation of Michael Crichton’s Jurassic Park and let me tell you…it was hotter than Ian Malcolm with his shirt open!

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Set several years after the events in Jurassic World, here’s what we know so far. Owen and Claire still have crazy sexual tension. Owen still makes uncomfortable sexual jokes, now about the list of guys that Claire may or may not have nailed. Claire has helped form a dinosaur protection group called the Prevention of Extinction of Dinosaurs Organization or P.E.D.O. for short (actually it’s called the Dinosaur Protection Group so Claire is really involved with DP…seriously). The hamster balls still work!! Blue thinks Owen smells…funny. Ian “Chaos Theory” Malcolm is a goddamned stallion with salt and pepper hair. The Carnotaur (I was a dino-nerd so yeah…I knew what it was) gets a hickey from good ol’ T-Rex. Isla Nublar has filed to legally change it’s name to Dante’s Peak or whatever the volcano was named in that stupid Tommy Lee Jones movie. Claire and (fellow DP enthusiast *snicker*) Justice Smith pull a Thelma and Louise and the Ankylosaur is the unofficial cannonball champion of the world! That pretty much sums up the freaking awesome first trailer for Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom due in theaters June 22nd, 2018. On my ONLY serious note, this trailer does make the departure from most modern trailers and does not oversell. I am truly looking forward to this. Check out the trailer below.

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Last Call for Logan

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(Nicholas Dye/Staff Writer) I believe in perfect moments. Snippets of events that tie together to paint a masterpiece. For me, it’s the events that led to me meeting my wife. From the smell in the air to the way a stoplight changes. The song on the radio or the recollection of a dumb joke that helped break the ice. They are magical and remind us that, sometimes, the universe lines up just right. That is absolutely prevalent in the first trailer for Logan, the final Wolverine story with Hugh Jackman. See, I believe there was a reason that Dougray Scott was tied to Mission Impossible 2 and could’t take the role of Wolverine so it passed to an unknown Jackman. I believe that Trent Reznor sat down in 1995 and wrote “Hurt” specifically for Johnny Cash without ever knowing it until he heard The Man in Black sing it. Little moments that make a huge masterpiece. It paints a picture of a future where Logan is broken and old. A future where he is haunted by ghosts and regrets. A future where he wants to be anywhere but in his own skin. No mutants. Nothing and no one to fight or fight for. Like life itself, suddenly Hope appears. A Hope that will bring a new future for mutants. A Hope that is certainly worth fighting for and dying for. You may be looking at these sentences with confusion. Why the capital ‘H’? To that, I simply leave you with this trailer…and a wink.

Guardians the Galaxy Vol. 2!!

800x400-guardians-of-the-galaxy-2“I am Groot!!!” That’s how excited I am for this teaser trailer! Let’s get something straight right away. I am a comic fanboy and I love everything Marvel is doing with their films. That being said, there was a huge expectation placed on each and every film that came before Guardians of the Galaxy. I believe the phenomenal success of the first film is completely due to notion that almost NOBODY had read a Guardians comic prior to the film. I will pause here for all of the Cheetos Puff and Mountain Dew Baja Blast fueled outrage aimed at me by those who actually did read a Guardians comic…All out of your system fanboys and girls? Good now pipe down!! I remember when Marvel had announced it’s phases and people look confused about Guardians. Jump to that weekend opening and sweet baby Jesus!! The first film was amazing and it had all to do with the vision of James Gunn as well as the tremendous cast he compiled. I mean come on!! Glenn Close!? Back to present day and I stand here with wet ring around my crotch because I have peed myself with pure joy. This is just a teaser trailer and it doesn’t give us much except the returning major players, the Blue Suede playing in the background, some badass slow walking, and a pretty funny moment between Drax and Peter Quill. Close it out with some Rocket and Baby Groot and you’ve got this guy hooked. Join me in theaters on May 5th, 2017 and you can throw Milk Duds at me while I geek out over the Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2!

(Nicholas Dye/FANBOY and Staff Writer)

 

New Rogue One Trailer!

 

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(Nicholas Dye/Staff Writer)

The third, and possibly final, trailer for the highly anticipated Rogue One: A Star Wars Story has just dropped as well as our jaws. I usually don’t get very personal in my trailer posts but this time I think I will jump outside the box.

Rogue One is a jump back to my childhood. It is a glimpse into why I fell in love with Star Wars. For me, it was so much more than Jedi and the Dark Side. There were pilots and smugglers, bounty hunters and scoundrels. Deep down, I knew that the universe was waaaaay bigger than the Skywalkers. Rogue One is the confirmation and and culmination of that idea. It is the story behind the legendary story and I am overwhelmed with excitement for this movie. I could give you the details of who plays who and how awesome Darth Vader looks but I think I am just going to share the trailer with you. I feel like I am 7 years old again and I am opening gifts on Christmas morning and as I pull back the corner of the paper, there is the familiar foot of an AT-AT walker staring back at me. I am filled with that anticipation and I hope…I truly think you all are as well. Okay okay…here you go.

 

John Wick 2…John Kills Everyone

 

maxresdefault(Nicholas Dye/Staff Writer)

“The only way out is back in.” That is the tagline for the follow-up to 2014’s John Wick. Subtly titled, John Wick: Chapter 2, John has to venture to Europe (yes the car comes too!) in what can assume is his attempt to get back out of the hitman business. Of course, the bodies will pile up quite high before that happens and we get an appearance from Morpheus as he tries to mentor Neo…wait…wrong film. Lawrence Fishburne does appear and will be joined by newcomers Common and Ruby Rose with Ian McShane and John Leguizamo returning.

From our last few posts, it would appear that 2017 is going to be off with a shot and the earliest shot we have so far is John Wick: Chapter 2 which will hit theaters February 10th. Although not rated yet, I’m going to go out on a limb and guess it will be a hard ‘R’ for violence.

 

Dead Men Tell No Tales…

 

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(Nicholas Dye/Staff Writer)

Disney has released the trailer to the fifth and final installment in it’s wildly successful Pirates of the Caribbean saga. Aptly titled “Dead Men Tell No Tales”, the trailer opens on a ship sailing into a very ominous cave where the crew runs afoul of Captain Salazar (Javier Bardem) and his his ghostly crew of fellow pirates. (I’m assuming they are all dead since one of them is missing half of his face, but if it turns out to be a disability of some sort, I will apologize at a later date!) As Salazar clumps below deck to confront a survivor, he picks up a wanted poster of Jack Sparrow and issues an ominous warning about death coming for Sparrow.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales hits theaters May 26th, 2017 and will see the return of Johnny Depp, Geoffrey Rush, Kevin McNally, and Orlando Bloom as they are joined by series newcomers Javier Bardem and Kaya Scodelario. Will this be the last run for Captain Jack Sparrow or will his legend run eternal?

You’re gonna need a bigger budget…

(Nicholas Dye, Staff Writer)

1975, the year that ruined it all. A new director named Steven Spielberg had landed the job of directing the film adaptation of the novel Jaws, the story of a killer shark terrorizing the sleepy vacation town of Amity Island. As history would write it, Jaws packed theaters and cleared out beaches worldwide as the very first summer blockbuster and the film responsible for ruining beach trips FOREVER. With an ominous two-note lead in, Jaws’ theme, brilliantly crafted by John Williams, would become the most recognizable soundtrack ever and be used by millions of older siblings to scare the shit out of their kid brothers/sisters every time they set foot in even a bathtub.

Yet, as iconic as that film is to american cinema, changes were made by Hollywood that altered the original story of Jaws. Some of these changes were subtle and some were quite significant. Granted, the screenplay was adapted and written by Peter Benchley but the execs at Universal ultimately cut a lot of the sub-plots. The finished product is something that is cinematic gold and really didn’t hurt the heart of the story in any way but, in this age of reboots, I would like to propose a remake of the fateful events of Amity Island, one that is much truer to the equally legendary novel. Since the novel is over 40 years old, I hope I don’t need to post a spoiler alert but in this day an age of everyone being upset and angry about something…SPOILER ALERT…

I firmly believe that if a remake of this film is to be made then it needs to be set in 1975. Although the novel was released in ’74, I think it would be a nice homage to the film as well as eliminating any Michael Bay-esque modern day technology bullshit. In the book, Mayor Vaughn of Amity isn’t under pressure by the economy to keep the island open but the mob who has several real estate investments on the island. Now, admittedly, this is minor and has no impact on the overall film and the guilt that overwhelms Vaughn after the attacks happen is compelling, so this could remain a cut from the final product. Martin Brody and Ellen Brody aren’t the picturesque couple they were in the original film. Ellen is a bit younger than Martin and actually comes from an aristocratic society. She also harbors resentment towards Martin for being stuck as the wife of a small town police chief. This actually plays out further into the novel when Ellen meets the dashing Hooper. Now, Richard Dreyfus, who was Hooper in the film, may be a lot of things but I don’t believe dashing would be one of them. Hooper, we learn, is also the ivy-league younger brother of a guy she once dated. Because he comes from the money and society that Ellen misses, Ellen and Hooper have a very intense affair one night that Martin ultimately finds out about. Martin, then does what any sensible husband would, he chokes the living shit out of Hooper but lets him live. Just like the film, Hooper wants to bring his shark cage along and the grizzled captain of the Orca, Quint, puts up a fight…until he is given $100 extra bucks. I believe this should stay in the film just to get this amazing scene again…

The outcome is MUCH different though as the egotistical, wife fucking Hooper is eaten alive as the shark tears into the cage. Vengeance is sweet however it comes. Another key point is that the Orca leaves port and comes back several times and Quint with it. They do not remain out at sea. I think this would do well to illustrate the frustration in trying to track the shark as well as give the shark that sense of toying with our hunters. Captain Quint’s demise is not the grizzly affair that had people in theaters shitting themselves. His demise in the novel is much more in the vein of Ahab from Moby Dick. He makes several attacks on the shark with a harpoon and the shark, much like we have learned that great whites do, leaps from the water and crashes down on the stern of the Orca, mortally wounding the mighty fishing boat. In this instant, Quint plugs the shark with another harpoon and the shark sinks back into the dark waters with Quint in tow due to the harpoon rope becoming entangled around his foot. I would kill to see this played out cinematically because Quint doesn’t go out in a spew of blood and terrified screams but he goes down fighting the demon fish. The conclusion sees the Orca sinking fast and Martin Brody clinging to a flotation device. He begins paddling to the shore only to see the shark coming for him. As he lets out an involuntary cry before his ultimate demise, the attack never comes. He turns to find himself face-to-face with the shark. He stares into it’s black, lifeless eyes as the shark rolls over, finally succumbing to the harpoon wounds and sinking into the sea with Quint still being drug behind. How bad ass is that!!? Quint ultimately wins the fight!! Now I realize that is not as iconic as “Smile you sonovabitch!” as Brody fires his M1 Garand, hits the oxygen tank and blows the shark to pieces, but it does, even to the end, leave Brody feeling helpless against this monster.

Sadly, I doubt we will see a remake anytime soon but I can hope. The only thing I insist stay in the film is Quint’s retelling of the sinking of the U.S.S. Indianapolis. Robert Shaw, the actor who played Quint, heard this tale from Craig Kingsbury, the real-life inspiration for Quint and the man who played Ben Gardener in the film. Shaw, being an accomplished stage actor, put his own spin on it and it was perfect. Whoever would fill his shoes would have his work cut out for him but this has to be in the film: