Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

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(Nicholas Dye/Staff Writer)

Universal dropped the first trailer to the highly anticipated sequel to the highly received sequel to the crappy sequel to the not-so-bad-compared-to-the-third sequel to the highly praised adaptation of Michael Crichton’s Jurassic Park and let me tell you…it was hotter than Ian Malcolm with his shirt open!

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Set several years after the events in Jurassic World, here’s what we know so far. Owen and Claire still have crazy sexual tension. Owen still makes uncomfortable sexual jokes, now about the list of guys that Claire may or may not have nailed. Claire has helped form a dinosaur protection group called the Prevention of Extinction of Dinosaurs Organization or P.E.D.O. for short (actually it’s called the Dinosaur Protection Group so Claire is really involved with DP…seriously). The hamster balls still work!! Blue thinks Owen smells…funny. Ian “Chaos Theory” Malcolm is a goddamned stallion with salt and pepper hair. The Carnotaur (I was a dino-nerd so yeah…I knew what it was) gets a hickey from good ol’ T-Rex. Isla Nublar has filed to legally change it’s name to Dante’s Peak or whatever the volcano was named in that stupid Tommy Lee Jones movie. Claire and (fellow DP enthusiast *snicker*) Justice Smith pull a Thelma and Louise and the Ankylosaur is the unofficial cannonball champion of the world! That pretty much sums up the freaking awesome first trailer for Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom due in theaters June 22nd, 2018. On my ONLY serious note, this trailer does make the departure from most modern trailers and does not oversell. I am truly looking forward to this. Check out the trailer below.

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I Am GROOT! (Translation: NEW GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY VOL.2 TRAILER!)

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(Joshua Gilmore- Staff Writer)

The world has been waiting for more of the Guardians, in October we were delivered a teaser shot of MARVEL’s space warriors and we wanted a longer drink. Today, the team from “Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol.2” helped relieve any lingering Thanksgiving hangovers and gave the masses a larger dose of Groot.

I think I could stay away from the death button, but I could not avoid the reply button on this trailer. MARVEL seems to have a knack to build a smaller franchise into a monstrous movie event, can you think of your love for Iron Man before the first movie? Anyways, the MARVEL machine has made the right moves when it comes to the guardians’ world and this next volume has the makings to become another box office force to be reckoned with.

In case you need the reminder, Vol.2 of the Guardians is unleashed in theaters May 5,2017!
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Guardians the Galaxy Vol. 2!!

800x400-guardians-of-the-galaxy-2“I am Groot!!!” That’s how excited I am for this teaser trailer! Let’s get something straight right away. I am a comic fanboy and I love everything Marvel is doing with their films. That being said, there was a huge expectation placed on each and every film that came before Guardians of the Galaxy. I believe the phenomenal success of the first film is completely due to notion that almost NOBODY had read a Guardians comic prior to the film. I will pause here for all of the Cheetos Puff and Mountain Dew Baja Blast fueled outrage aimed at me by those who actually did read a Guardians comic…All out of your system fanboys and girls? Good now pipe down!! I remember when Marvel had announced it’s phases and people look confused about Guardians. Jump to that weekend opening and sweet baby Jesus!! The first film was amazing and it had all to do with the vision of James Gunn as well as the tremendous cast he compiled. I mean come on!! Glenn Close!? Back to present day and I stand here with wet ring around my crotch because I have peed myself with pure joy. This is just a teaser trailer and it doesn’t give us much except the returning major players, the Blue Suede playing in the background, some badass slow walking, and a pretty funny moment between Drax and Peter Quill. Close it out with some Rocket and Baby Groot and you’ve got this guy hooked. Join me in theaters on May 5th, 2017 and you can throw Milk Duds at me while I geek out over the Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2!

(Nicholas Dye/FANBOY and Staff Writer)

 

Jurassic World sequel to tear the hell out of the box office in 2018!

(Nicholas Dye, Staff Writer)

It comes with no surprise that Universal Pictures has immediately announced a sequel to easily the biggest box office surprise in history. Clearly, 22 years later, people will still throw money at theaters to see dinosaurs on the big screen and in Hi-Def 3D. With Jurassic World currently at the number 3 spot for highest-grossing picture of all time, a sequel was a no-brainer. A huge credit to the success of the film was the inclusion of the red hot Chris Pratt and the red hot red head, Bryce Dallas Howard. The head honchos over at Universal recognized this and quickly secured both for the sequel with a release date of June 22, 2018. No director has been announced yet but Colin Treverrow and Derek Connolly will return to co-write the screenplay.