Let’s Paint Happy Homicide

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(Nicholas Dye/Staff Writer)

With the holidays fast approaching, the recent release of Thor: Ragnarok, the upcoming release of Justice League and Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Deadpool arrived and gave us a release…straight into our pants! Everyone’s favorite Merc’ With A Mouth dropped a teaser trailer a-la-Bob Ross to remind us that none of that other shit matters because Deadpool is coming…to theaters…not…oh never mind.

Twentieth Century Fox posted their official synopsis for the highly anticipated sequel and they describe Deadpool 2 as this:

After surviving a near fatal bovine attack, a disfigured cafeteria chef (Wade Wilson) struggles to fulfill his dream of becoming Mayberry’s hottest bartender while also learning to cope with his lost sense of taste. Searching to regain his spice for life, as well as a flux capacitor, Wade must battle ninjas, the yakuza, and a pack of sexually aggressive canines, as he journeys around the world to discover the importance of family, friendship, and flavor – finding a new taste for adventure and earning the coveted coffee mug title of World’s Best Lover.

No seriously…that IS the official synopsis on Deadpool 2’s IMDB page…

We know this much from the trailer…Deadpool is back, he has a sexy slow motion run through the rain, Negasonic Teenage…Whatever The Fuck The Rest Of Her Name Is is back and still giving the bird, Dopinder doesn’t swallow, Chunk from The Goonies is pulling a Drew Barrymore in Firestarter, some irresponsible prick has given a blind woman a gun, Deadpool does a spot on Jesus impression and rises from the grave, and at very end, Michael Jackson has a new shiny glove…or maybe I need to adjust my Cable. Well, I’m gonna go do some blow, you scroll down to watch the trailer and take the “Don’t Nut in Your Pants Challenge.”

 

Dalton is listed as Security in the credits…these guys are killing me.

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Guardians the Galaxy Vol. 2!!

800x400-guardians-of-the-galaxy-2“I am Groot!!!” That’s how excited I am for this teaser trailer! Let’s get something straight right away. I am a comic fanboy and I love everything Marvel is doing with their films. That being said, there was a huge expectation placed on each and every film that came before Guardians of the Galaxy. I believe the phenomenal success of the first film is completely due to notion that almost NOBODY had read a Guardians comic prior to the film. I will pause here for all of the Cheetos Puff and Mountain Dew Baja Blast fueled outrage aimed at me by those who actually did read a Guardians comic…All out of your system fanboys and girls? Good now pipe down!! I remember when Marvel had announced it’s phases and people look confused about Guardians. Jump to that weekend opening and sweet baby Jesus!! The first film was amazing and it had all to do with the vision of James Gunn as well as the tremendous cast he compiled. I mean come on!! Glenn Close!? Back to present day and I stand here with wet ring around my crotch because I have peed myself with pure joy. This is just a teaser trailer and it doesn’t give us much except the returning major players, the Blue Suede playing in the background, some badass slow walking, and a pretty funny moment between Drax and Peter Quill. Close it out with some Rocket and Baby Groot and you’ve got this guy hooked. Join me in theaters on May 5th, 2017 and you can throw Milk Duds at me while I geek out over the Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2!

(Nicholas Dye/FANBOY and Staff Writer)

 

A Big Teaser For Pee-Wee’s Big Holiday…

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(Joshua Gilmore-Staff Writer)

This March, Pee-Wee Herman will journey out of the playhouse and hit the open road in “Pee-Wee’s Big Holiday”.  This Netflix produced film will be our first full length Pee-Wee movie since 1988’s “Big Top Pee-Wee”

In anticipation of the movie’s March 18 premiere, Netflix has released this teaser of Pee-Wee’s upcoming road trip.

Even from that quick peek, it looks like Pee-Wee hasn’t lost his sense of fun, if that was ever possible, and we have a big adventure waiting for us in March.

For more information and updates, go to Netflix.com/peeweesbigholiday or PeeWee.com