Let’s Paint Happy Homicide

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(Nicholas Dye/Staff Writer)

With the holidays fast approaching, the recent release of Thor: Ragnarok, the upcoming release of Justice League and Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Deadpool arrived and gave us a release…straight into our pants! Everyone’s favorite Merc’ With A Mouth dropped a teaser trailer a-la-Bob Ross to remind us that none of that other shit matters because Deadpool is coming…to theaters…not…oh never mind.

Twentieth Century Fox posted their official synopsis for the highly anticipated sequel and they describe Deadpool 2 as this:

After surviving a near fatal bovine attack, a disfigured cafeteria chef (Wade Wilson) struggles to fulfill his dream of becoming Mayberry’s hottest bartender while also learning to cope with his lost sense of taste. Searching to regain his spice for life, as well as a flux capacitor, Wade must battle ninjas, the yakuza, and a pack of sexually aggressive canines, as he journeys around the world to discover the importance of family, friendship, and flavor – finding a new taste for adventure and earning the coveted coffee mug title of World’s Best Lover.

No seriously…that IS the official synopsis on Deadpool 2’s IMDB page…

We know this much from the trailer…Deadpool is back, he has a sexy slow motion run through the rain, Negasonic Teenage…Whatever The Fuck The Rest Of Her Name Is is back and still giving the bird, Dopinder doesn’t swallow, Chunk from The Goonies is pulling a Drew Barrymore in Firestarter, some irresponsible prick has given a blind woman a gun, Deadpool does a spot on Jesus impression and rises from the grave, and at very end, Michael Jackson has a new shiny glove…or maybe I need to adjust my Cable. Well, I’m gonna go do some blow, you scroll down to watch the trailer and take the “Don’t Nut in Your Pants Challenge.”

 

Dalton is listed as Security in the credits…these guys are killing me.

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What’s hot on Cable? A teddy…

(Nicholas Dye/Staff Writer)

Much like the hype for Deadpool, Ryan Reynolds is at it again for Deadpool 2. On the heels of our first look at Zazie Beetz as the infamous Domino, Mr. Reynolds dropped this gem on us early this morning via Twitter.

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Immediately on the heels of that Tweet, we got a full body shot of Josh Brolin as Nathan Summers and it did not disappoint. I’m not sure here, but I believe the teddy bear ties the whole ensemble together nicely. You be the judge:

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Cable is gen-u-wine mutant badass and I believe that Mr. Brolin has captured said badassery nicely. The only thing left for us to find out is how many bad jokes the “Merc with a Mouth” will get out before Cable blows a hole in him. At any rate, Deadpool 2 is sizing up to be the hottest movie ticket of 2018 and as the news and pics drop we will bring them to you. Okay, just for shits and giggles, here they are side by side. Ladies and gentlemen…Domino and Cable.Screen Shot 2017-08-07 at 11.07.48 AM

Tim Miller Departs From DEADPOOL 2..

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(Joshua Gilmore-Staff Writer)

As in most Hollywood successes, a speed bump is bound to creep up and everyone’s favorite merc with the mouth has ran head first into a hard bump. Tim Miller, the director of the original blockbuster DEADPOOL, has left the production of DEADPOOL 2 over creative differences.

After the news broke, the rumors started to flood the internet and the truth could be stranger than fiction, but a rift between Miller and Ryan Reynolds seems to lead the charge. The studio has been quick to keep the news in a positive light, as they have already announced their next project with Miller. Fox has released information that Miller will begin work on the adaptation of Daniel Suarez’s science fiction novel, Influx.

In Hollywood creative differences happen as often as rehab stints, but they can hopefully end the same way. I am a massive fan of DEADPOOL and the extended world the movie unleashed, so any static could bring upon something amazing and very little property damage.

Now, due to this issue, the release date for DEADPOOL 2 is up in the air.

NowhereCalifornia.com Reaches Its First Year..

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(Joshua Gilmore- Staff Writer)

It started one year ago today, this site was launched and took the concept of Nowhere California to a whole new level.

Nowhere California started in 2011 and it was just another conversation between two friends, but these conversation started taking place in front of a microphone and unleashed on the internet. It was as simple as that, but as Nowhere California evolved, the team grew and new accomplishments were reach.

The episodes started to grow and the team ventured out of the Nowhere city limits, as they dove into the world of conventions and conducting interviews. It was with each accomplishment, the Nowhere California family stuck to their ideals of what they wanted to produce and not to become just another podcast.

It was that mindset that grew into this website and, as we mark our first year on the net, we want to simply say THANK YOU.

Thank you for following the journey of Nowhere California.

Thank you for listening to the original podcast and all of the other podcast that have sprung from this little idea.

Thank you for checking out this site

And thank you for continuing this adventure with us.

Thank you for being a friend…of Deadpool!

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(Nicholas Dye/Staff Writer)

On this glorious eve of the greatest smart-ass superhero….wait…anti-hero…wait…X character…OH FUCK IT! Before Deadpool feels us all up in a darkend theater tomorrow, we get our most honest review from none other than the foulest (and hottest if you know me!) mouth in Hollywood…Betty fucking White!!! So without further ado, I will shut the hell up and let her share her thoughts on Deadpool as well as Ryan Reynolds’ smoking’ hot ass!

DEADPOOL: Die Hard Is His Favorite, Feel Good Christmas Movie..

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(Joshua Gilmore-Staff Writer)

It’s the night before Trailer’s Eve and there is so much to discuss, from the 10th entry in the matronly 12 days of Deadpool to 2 new television spots and one spot featuring brand new footage from this soon to be classic movie.

As with the past 9 days, we begin with the newest entry of the 12 days of Deadpool and today’s installment is another Merc with the Mouth take on a holiday classic, the relaxing burning yule log.

In the most traditional hands, it’s as simple as an actual burning fire in a fireplace and in other hands, it’s a video loop from a discount DVD. This classic has seen many forms, but here is the Deadpool’s “Pool Log”..

Now, as you relax with you “Pool Log”, here is the newest television spot and you will quick see a few new moments from the movie…

This might have been a short clip, but you get a colossal amount. We get a glimpse at the story and what bring Wade Wilson to the superhero party.

The next clip is quick, but very important. This is a special spot for ESPN’s NBA coverage on Christmas Day, but we learn that we will be getting a special look at Deadpool. We can only imagine that this will be the debut of the new “clean” trailer. Also, Deadpool isn’t alone in this clip and we get a special visit from Weasel.

There you have it, this was a very busy 10th day for this Deadpool event. We are in the final 2 days and tomorrow will bring the surprises of “Trailer Eve”. Since “Trailer Eve” is all we know, watch out and be ready for anything!

xx

DEADPOOL: He Gives Krampus Nightmares..

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(Joshua Gilmore-Staff Writer)

The light is starting to come into view and we are getting close to the grand finale of the magnanimous 12 days of Deadpool. Today is day 9 and Deadpool has teamed up with the giant at IMAX to unleash this piece of art onto the world…

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If you can’t tell, this is the exclusive IMAX poster for DEADPOOL. IMAX has released some impressive posters in the past and that tradition continues with this masterpiece.

Also, speaking of masterpieces, IMAX released a special teaser to remind everyone that size is very important..

The excitement is reaching a fever pitch, as we are in the final 3 days of this journey and we still have some great gifts to receive. Tomorrow, the man behind the Merc with the Mouth will be delivering our next gift.

xx

DEADPOOL: THE GIFT THAT KEEPS ON GIVING

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(Joshua Gilmore-Staff Writer)

The Merc with the Mouth is in a giving mood and he is ready to share some holiday love…

Deadpool is ready for the world to see a new trailer for his upcoming movie and he doesn’t want to rush to the gate, unlike some other blockbusters. Deadpool would like to treat the DEADPOOL ARMY to a little foreplay and build the anticipation for the trailer’s release, so for the next 12 days the internet will receive a few gifts from the man with a twice a day chimichanga habit and this event has been dubbed #12DaysOfDeadpool

xx

Be ready for the amazing gifts in store and here is what was released to Entertainment Weekly today.

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Deadpool: The Merc Who Loved Me (A dirty dirty love story)

(Nicholas Dye/Staff Writer) READER’S DISCRETION ADVISED: SWEAR WORDS AHEAD!! LIKE…LOTS OF THEM.

It started when a bad idea fucked a guy in a green suit. Okay, maybe I should clarify that. Way back in the year 2009, us nerds huddled in a dimly lit theater waiting to see the awesomeness that was X-Men Origins: Wolverine. Not only did we get a badass Wolverine backstory and a better Sabertooth played by Ray Donovan (or whatever his name is), but we also finally got our favorite “Merc with a mouth”, Deadpool!! Sure he was played by pretty boy Ryan Reynolds but at least we knew Reynolds had the whole foul-mouthed chatterbox thing down (see Blade Trinity)! By the end of X-Men Origins our favorite merc had been reduced to a shirtless super-mutant who had Baraka’s arms from Mortal Kombat, and, get this, HIS FUCKING MOUTH SEWN SHUT!!!! It was like seeing a Batman who could beat your ass but couldn’t tie his own shoes without the help of Morgan Freeman…Thanks Nolan. Needless to say, us fanboys (and girls, settle the fuck down), left the theater with a bitter taste in our mouths…(too easy)

(Fuck you Fox…see above)

Shortly after that train wreck of a movie, the rumor mill started spitting out ideas about a standalone Deadpool movie. With visions of that bullshit in the picture above still fresh in our heads, we only had semi nerd boners and whatever semi thing nerd girls get. In the meantime, it was announced that Reynolds would be slipping into another skin tight hero suit for DC and Warner Bros. this time and in 2011, we packed our hopeful asses back into theaters for Green Lantern aaaaand we got fucked hard and dirty (in all the bad ways) again! If you haven’t seen it, it looks like this:

(Wow…fuck you too Warner!)

Feeling quite violated, we left theaters with the kind of depression that not even a chimichanga would fix and all seemed lost and hopeless. We thought we would never get to see Deadpool on the big screen except in the OVER circumcised looking version that we got from Origins. In 2012, however, we heard all new rumors about the return of Deadpool but instead of hearing trumpets, we all were apprehensive like a hard fart in spandex, not quite sure how to handle it. The reoccurring rumor was that Reynolds, a die-hard Deadpool fan, had independently created a 1-2 minute “teaser” to take before Fox studio executives and that their reaction was like the first time you got to touch a boob under the shirt but over the bra…fucking thrilled! Our excitement (and pants) began to swell again and the horizon looked bright for us fans of Wade Wilson aka Deadpool! Sadly, buzz began to die down and we were left with movie blue balls. Just when we thought we would never get to bust our Deadpool nut, 2014 hit and the exact video that blew the minds of the Fox execs found its way to the inter web…here you go kids!!

Like most of our sex lives, it was short but damn satisfying! In those few minutes, we got a Deadpool who bantered well with the bad guys, never took anything seriously, broke the 4th wall, AND killed the shit out of everything!! It was like watching an early Jenna Jameson movie, dirty and artistic and left us reaching for a Kleenex. FINALLY we would get the right kind of Deadpool movie!! Then, as if biting into a Quarter Pounder with cheese only to find a dirty band-aid, Fox told us it would be PG-13. What the fuck!? How can you have a Deadpool movie without all the violence and implied sex and chock full of salty swear words!!? As any die hard fan looking for the silver lining to this shit sandwich, we began to be thankful that we were even getting a Deadpool movie and the phrase “They can still make it work with PG-13” became commonplace. Fast forward to April Fool’s Day 2015. We had all settled into the idea of a PG-13 Deadpool movie no matter how reluctantly and there was an announcement that Ryan Reynolds would be on Extra with pictures and news from the Deadpool set and here’s what we got:

SWEET BABY JESUS WE’RE GETTING A RATED ‘R’ DEADPOOL MOVIE!!!! Like a blowjob from a girl that’s waaaay out of your league, we couldn’t believe it was actually happening!! There would be no holds barred and no language censored! Deadpool would finally get it’s proper representation on the big screen. The only apprehension was Reynolds himself who had, as we said, whiffed pretty hard at the box office in the “superhero” genre. All doubts, however, were erased after footage of Deadpool was shown at the legendary San Diego Comic Con this year. Grainy footage leaked out and we fanboys and girls couldn’t watch it fast enough. Fox studios told us they were going to wait a while to give the general public an actual trailer but in the meantime, we learned just how hard Reynolds has worked to bring Deadpool to life. At the press event for his film “Self/less” Reynolds was asked about Deadpool to which he responded:

“For me it’s 11 years of waiting to do this guy. That doesn’t happen like this in a business where you wait so long and they’ll eventually say: ‘You can’t do this, you’re old,’” “Six years ago, we wrote a script and it was awesome. It was as if the people who created Deadpool themselves had done it.”

This last week, Fox released the same trailer that was shown at SDCC and fans worldwide have been unified in their enthusiasm. Not only are we finally getting a Deadpool movie, not only is “The Merc with a Mouth” being played by someone who has dedicated an unhealthy amount of time to get the character right AND brought to life, not only is he going to cuss like a sailor with Tourettes, NOT ONLY are we….oh I’ll just shut the fuck up and give you this red band trailer in all it’s fucking glory!!! Thanks 20th Century Fox for getting it right on the money!!! Deadpool will kick theaters right in the balls on February 12th, 2016. Take a Valentine’s date and maybe you’ll get laid!!